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The subtitle to this post is definitely “AKA Why I hate myself”

Online dating is a bit like marmite isn’t it? You either love it or hate it. 
To some it conjures up images of sad, lonely people who can’t meet people in real life – whereas to others it’s the opportunity to meet people they wouldn’t have the chance to otherwise. 
I have a few friends who successfully met people online and, whilst I don’t really want to get into a relationship when I’m leaving the country in July, I thought I would give it a go. 
So a little disclaimer: whilst I am open about a lot of things online and in social media I’ve always kept my relationship status/interests on the low. Half of this is down to my paranoia about jinxing things and the other half is because well… I’m just not fussed really. 
I am an awful flirt. I am awful at relationships. I’m terrible with other people. So I didn’t take online dating very seriously – it was to explore this world a bit more. 

Me + a relationship = a big no no. 

For some reason online dating sounded fun. I didn’t have to meet people in real life, I didn’t have to tell them everything about myself, and as it was a social experiment I wouldn’t take it too seriously. 
The first thing that has to be laughed at is people’s opening messages. Honestly I will talk to anyone (whether this is to do with online dating or not) but when I get these messages how am I supposed to answer?
   

     

Do you respond with a ‘thank you’ or?
I realise that guys probably copy and paste these and send them to anyone with a pair of tits but jeez. 
And then the other problem is my fear of other people. I actually ended up talking to a couple of people on Whatsapp after a while. They seemed harmless… And then they wanted to meet up. And then I panicked and blocked their number and deleted them from my life without explanation. What a dick move. 
There was one guy in particular who would keep messaging me if I didn’t respond and then one night admitted he liked me. And then I internally freaked out. He would not drop it when I outright said I didn’t want a relationship. He didn’t know me, how did he know he liked me after a week or so? So that was another block-delete-run situation. 
I’m an awful person. I know. It was just a step too far. 
I’m perfectly happy not being in a relationship. But observing online dating has shown me three things:
  • -It can be a really big ego boost
– People are often overly confident to a fault 
– I have to know someone in real life before I could even consider a relationship. Friends to more than friends etcetc
I’m not sure why I decided to share this with you all, and maybe I’ll delete this post, but online dating is definitely not for me. Online dating works for some and maybe in the future I will use it as a serious tool. But for now it’s just full of dick pics and creeps, and I freak out too much to ever take it seriously. I’ve met some of my best friends online but I think dating someone is a step too far. 
Who knows how I’ll meet my next partner? Maybe I already know them? Maybe my life goal of becoming Bridget Jones will come true? 
Who knows?
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